Mama is Back

Listen, I’m going to start taking this blog a lot more seriously. Too all my many fans and loyal readers, I apologize. Mama is back. And by “back” I mean, I am so bored at work I actually just accidentally drooled on myself. By “back” I also mean that I will no longer proofead my blogs. From now on, whatever bullshit I come up with, it is all yours- real, raw, and unscripted.
Here is what happened to me today and it’s happened to me before. This makes me feel angry. I think you may have been in such a situation before as well and perhaps you can relate.

A coworker brought their baby into work. It was probably 9 months old, going on fat/ugly. The coworker and his wife came up to my desk and held their child up to me and waited. Expecting me to just fall out of my comfy desk chair because what they have created is SO cute, SO adorable that I can’t even handle myself. And all I wanted to do was be like, no sir, I am not drunk with joy over the fact that this bundle of double chin and poo is in front of me. In fact, I’m trying to hold my lunch down as it drools onto on my post it pad. That is NOT cute. Neither is its snot, its toothless smile, or its potbelly. Like, lose some fing weight asshole. You’re no longer sitting in a pool of KY jelly in your mom’s stomach (look I’m not a fing scientist, but I know a thing or two about the human body). You’re in the real world now. DO something. Go for a run. Get with the program, amigo.

But since he is a highranking official here and I am nothing but a measly receptionist, I mustered all my energy and highschool acting lessons and did what I had to do. I
1. let my jaw drop in utter surprise (over how cute it was).
2. allowed my voice to go up 6 octaves higher than normal.
3. said a couple of OMGs, and “Look at you”s
4. squeezed its cheeks
5. and said, “What are YOU doing for new years?”

The last part came off as a little creepy, but lucky for me and lucky for it, babies can sense utter hatred. So once it started crying and screaming, the parents apologized and took off with their creation.

Babies-0, Beata -1.